Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize