I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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