im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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