Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
