yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
