I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
