you guys were way drunker than both of me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
