My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
