This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
