im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
