I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
