I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
