i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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