if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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