Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
