The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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