I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
high people should be assigned attendants
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
