I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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