Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
