Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
