We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
