NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
