dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
