She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
