I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
