I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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