hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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