They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize