You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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