So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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