This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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