I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
