My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
