i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
