I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
