wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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