how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
