Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize