I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
