I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
