Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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