we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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