Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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