I can tuck mytits in my pants
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
