There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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