Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
