She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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