Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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