And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
