Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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