We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
