i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
