i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Buhtt sex?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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