Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's shark week go big or go home
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
