Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
