I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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