Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
