You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
