why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
