I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
