Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize