I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MIDGETS
????
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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