i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
