giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
