WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
