Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
