Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
