I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my being single is dangerous.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
