I must be too annoying 4 u.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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