Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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