I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
