i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
