I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
