I CAN MOONWALK!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
