I think my fart just growled at me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
