Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
