this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
